Dax says..

Randomly while driving in the car.. "If the pieces of my body break, will you have to get a new kid?"- Dax 9/02/12

Day #14 8/24/12

Woohoo Buddy!! Today you are getting moved out of the NICU and put on the floor. You are still part of the NICU, you just don't need to have a nurse by your side 24/7. You also get off your high flow canula today and put on a low flow that if we need to we can bring it home with us. We are also introducing the breast today. You get your pic-line out tonight after your antibiotics are finished!! Such a champ!!! We made it to the floor little man! Great job, keep up the great work!

Day #10 8/20/12

Hi Baby, You are doing so well! You got to be in a crib today. With real clothes on! Baby, I cannot wait to take you home. I want you with me. I know I come visit you all the time. I know you need a little more time to get better, but tonight I am feeling a bit selfish. I got to read you some books today, baby. I also got to hold you for a longgg time. I love you baby. Please continue to get stronger and better. I need you in my arms at home. Love, Mommy

8/19/12- Day #9

Oh buddy you are doing good! You are taking your feedings well. They are upping the amount today.

8/17/12

I gave you a sponge bath!

8/15/12

I GET TO HOLD YOU RYKER!!!

8/14/12

Yep, I cry.. A LOT! I cry when I pump. I cry when I eat. I cry when I shower. I cry when I talk about Dax. I cry when I look at my sweet baby Ry. I cry when I am happy. I cry when I am relieved. I cry when I am sad. I cry when I think about the future. I cry when I remember the past. I cry because I am grateful. Tonight when your Daddy and I left the hospital I was sitting out front waiting for him to pick me up. While sitting there I heard life flight. I broke down. Started bawling! I believe it was the same helicopter that you flew in baby. A whole bunch of memories and emotions came flooding back. I couldn't help but cry.

8/13/12

I was asked on Saturday if I wanted my hospital bracelets taken off. It was something I didn't even have to think about. I instantly said "no". Now Monday, I have yet to take it off. As does your Dad. It's a part of you baby Ryker. I'm not sure what it does for Daddy, but for me it's like I have a piece of you still with me. I can't hold you, feed you, cuddle you, rock you or sing to you whenever I want. So it fills an empty spot in my heart. Like you are with me. It reminds me of you. Reminds me what it was like when you were in my tummy kicking, and punching, and having the hiccups. What I would give to put you back in. To have you close to me for one more day. As much as I was tire of being pregnant, tired of being tired, and tired of not being able to move. I would give just about anything to have you close to me. You are doing extremely well. We will one day; hopefully sooner than later, be able to have skin contact again. Keep pushing baby, so that I can hold you on my chest. I love you so much!

Life..

8/11/12 Dear Ryker, In a few hours you will be ONE day old. I have held you a total of maybe five minutes. Oh how I crave to smell and touch your precious body. I know you are in good hands at PCMC. Please fight baby. There are so many people that are rooting for you. I'm overwhelmed with the love that we have been shown. Your big brother so badly wants you home. As do I. We want to play with you, cuddle you, sing you songs, and read you books. I am sure Dax has a plan to teach you all his little tricks. Watching you hooked up to all those wires and machines broke my heart little one. I can't imagine what you are going though. I wish I could take all of your pain and suffering away. I can't answer any questions right now as to what is wrong with you. You came into the world screaming and grabbing OR instruments. Your apgar score were good, you were beautiful. You ARE beautiful! You look like your big brother. You both have the same nose and lips and round little faces. You are our shorty though. Weighing in at 6lbs 11oz and being a whopping 18 inches tall. Teeny teeny tiny. BUT you have good genes on both sides of your family. You are strong, you are a fighter! I love and miss you terribly. You can do this! We can do this!

8/12/12 7:43PM

Dear Ryker, Today everyone had to leave at some point to return to their jobs and other obligations. It was so hard leaving your brother. Dad and I are pretty excited we get you to ourselves for a few days. We have been overly grateful for the amount of support we have recieved from family and friends. There are so many people that love and care for you. You are so strong. I want you to know the power of the priesthood is amazing! The tender mercies of Heavenly Father are unforgettable. The church is true baby boy. I hope you have the love for the church that your daddy and I do. It does some pretty remarkable things. God is good. He knows your body better than anyone! He knows your strong desire to live a full satisfied life. Love, Mom

Saturday August 11th 2012

1 day old. Baby Ryker, oh how I love you so much! You are such a strong boy. You make me so happy. I miss you terribly. I miss when you kick me, I miss your hiccups, I miss your punches. I miss your lips and your nose. You got those two adorable traits from your brother. I got released today from the hospital. The doctor told me to take it east and that is what I am going to do. Daxton, Grandma Lorie, Kami and myself are headed down to PCMC to come see you. I am going to kiss every inch of you!! I crave your touch baby. I called down to check on you at 1:40PM before I was discharged from the hospital and the nurse was very optimistic. That makes My heart so happy. She said that your chest x-rays looked good, and that your oxygen levels were good and there is oxygen in BOTH lungs. She said that you are sedated just so that your body can do what it needs to do without over working. You also had an echo cardiogram done today and your heart is ok. Keep chugging along little man. I will see you in a couple hours. I love you!

The Helicopter

8/11/2012 3:09AM- Ryker you were taken from South Lincoln Medical Center and flow to Primary Children's Medical Center in Salt Lake City, UT due to a due to a collapsed lung and many other unnamed problems. Your sweet big brother was such a trooper on the day of your birth. He is going to be such a great role model for you! I think that he was a little envious that you got to ride in the helicopter, and he didn't. But as you flew away, he waved good bye to you and said, "bye baby brother!" He loves you so much! While you were being worked on, and stabilized enough to get flown to PCMC we explained to Dax that you were sick and had to be somewhere else. He looked at us and said, "Why? This hospital doesn't work?" Ryker, I cannot wait to hear you say things like this to me. I love you and your brother more than you could ever imagine. Get stronger baby boy!